I hadn’t planned on posting anything else this weekend, but the Universe had other plans. I’m doing some research and it is really hitting home.
I began my current project as a way to uncover and destroy anything that may be blocking me spiritually. Today I began reading and thinking about the ego.
Here is my breakthrough.
Children who have little or no demonstrations of being loved and cared for, often only get attention when they do something impressive. This is how the ego is born. It says “if I can be wonderful, people will love me.”
I won’t go into the details of my childhood, but I realized that I often tie love and acceptance to what I do instead of who I am.
I currently feel a compulsion to inform people that I used to be a teacher. I am a blogger. I wrote a book. I am writing a second book. I am a senior operator (at my job). I know stuff. I have this degree or that certification. I am smart. I am educated. I have traveled here and there. I. I. I.
Who cares? I need to let go of all of it. I am not that special.
Why do I feel the need to aggrandize myself? Because I have a little girl in me who just wants to be loved. Maybe if I let go of all my accomplishments, no one will love me for my real self…?
Unconditional Love is what we are all searching for. Yet we don’t really believe that it exists. That inner child thinks “if I can be perfect, I will be Loved and happy.” At the same time, she knows that perfection is impossible. Therefore, I will never be good enough to deserve Love.
I can float around in my self-created bubble of inflated ego, but sooner or later something will make me look foolish and less than perfect. Should my whole vision of myself be resting on the opinions of others or my ability to keep up the façade of being amazing? This is obviously not going to work out.
Yes, I wrote a book. I did it because I wanted to help others. When did I become “an author” instead of “a helper”?
Give me some humility.
Help me to replace “look at me.” With “how can I help?”
I don’t want to be important. I want to be helpful.
Remind me that I am Loved more than I am capable of knowing. I am a creation of your divine perfection.
I am exactly where I am meant to be in this moment.
I just need to get out of my own way.
Thank you for your unconditional Love that is always with me.
Thank you for the grace that says I am enough.
Your Love can not be earned.
I am vastly Loved exactly as I am.
Thank you for this path.